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Tuesday, May 14 | ||||
Henny Greenspan
Take my monetary policy -- please! We're still in need of some cheering up given this atrocious market, so I'll toss out some classic one-liners from the king, Henny Youngman, to give us a laugh. Refer to the picture above before you read each line. I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker. My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!" A bum asked me "Give me $10 till payday." I asked "When's payday?" He said "I don't know, you're the one who's working!" Someday you'll go too far, and I hope you'll stay there. A guy calls his lawyer. He says, "Can I ask you two questions?" Lawyer says, "What's the second one?" I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." When a guy says he's fixed for life, you don't know whether he's talking about a pension or a vasectomy. I don't recall your face, but your breath is familiar. I read about the evils of drinking, so I gave up reading. I'll never forget the first time we met, but I'm trying. She had a coming-out party, but they made her go back in again. My doctor told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, "OK, you're ugly, too." |
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