I've been deluged with emails since posting my Cost of Living entry the other day, and I'll answer the various questions here:

Where's the cable bill?

We don't have a TV.

Where's the Internet Service Provider bill?

Good question. We signed up for AOL's 45 day "free trial" and every time we call to cancel at the end of 45 days they say "oh, we'll extend you another 45 or 60 days for an 'extended free trial.'" We've been "free trialing" for 8 months now. ;-)

Why aren't there any gasoline bills?

The car just sits in the garage most of the time, except for the occasional trip to Sam's Club.

How boring can you get? No movies, no video rentals, no clubbing, no bars, no weekend getaways... what gives?

Yeah, we're pretty boring... and cheap. I'm reading Mike Bloomberg's autobiography (titled Bloomberg by Bloomberg by Bloomberg) and he said his idea of a hot date back in the day was taking a girl over to Staten Island and back on the ferry, so he's an even cheaper bastard than me.

Don't you ever buy a newspaper?

No, I read the news on the Net and I don't know of any other member of Generation X who ever buys a newspaper.

How can two people consume over $500 of groceries in a month?

It just adds up I guess.

Are you and your wife 300 pounds a piece?

No, we're 300 pounds together.

Are you buying those huge bags of deep fried wings at Sam's Club, or what?

We buy only healthful stuff at Sam's: chicken, tilapia, salmon, dates, apricots, walnuts, salad, cauliflower, red pepper, grapes, etc. Maybe I should post our shopping list.

Sam's is gross, how can you shop there?

Great prices, baby. I will happily shop among cretins and slack-jawed misfits in order to get the best prices.

Why are you pouring money down the rent hole? Why not buy a house?

Well, we just got here, and the housing market is stupidly inflated. You have to rent when the dummies are buying and buy when the dummies are renting. I think things are getting massively overbuilt, there appears to be tremendous supply in the condo market, so we're just waiting for the whole thing to collapse. We're patient. Ideally I'd like to find a foreclosure.

Is it in character for a cheap bastard to pay $20 for a haircut?

It breaks my heart every time I pay Franco $20 (remember, that's with tip), but he's the only man I know who can artfully hide my bald spot with his magic "layering" technique.

Are there any investment ideas I can get from all this?

Yes, short AOL and the newspapers and buy WMT.

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