What a Woman Looks For in a Man

This entry will provide guidance to men who are mystified by what a woman looks for in a man. Obviously women want confident, ambitious, good looking guys who are warm and have a sense of humor. But they discover most of those things about you later. There is an initial screening process that women do, maybe even subconsciously, and if you don't score highly enough in these five tests, then you'll never get the opportunity to prove what a wonderful guy you are.

The five tests are scored in the following way: if you qualify on the positive side you get a +1, if you qualify on the negative side you get a -2. If you're in between, give yourself a 0. What's important is the cumulative score after considering all five tests.

1. Tall vs. Short. Tall guys have a natural advantage and so they get +1. Short guys get -2. This is a tough category since there's really nothing you can do about it if you're born short. But you can compensate... read on.

2. Fit vs. Fat. Fit guys get +1, anyone with a beer gut or just general flabbiness gets a -2. This is an area where you can exercise daily, eat sensibly, and get a +1 going for you.

3. Full, Thick Hair vs. Bald / Balding. This is an issue that may come up when you get into your late 20s or early 30s. The best plan is to be married before you start going bald. But if you're bald or balding and you're not attached, you're in big trouble: -2. Those lucky bastards with full, thick hair get a +1 here.

4. Neatly Groomed vs. Slovenly. I'm talking about having a neat haircut, clean hair, clear skin, clean fingernails... a generally well-scrubbed appearance. If you have any facial hair at all you better be damn sure it looks neat, or you're sunk. Slobs who don't pay attention to these things are going to get nailed with a -2, the guys with expensive haircuts and filed nails get a +1.

5. Well Dressed vs. Sloppy. I learned about this one rather late in the game, but you can't overestimate how much attention women pay to clothes. I don't mean dressed neatly here (see #4 above), I mean dressed sharply. Women like guys who dress stylishly. You have to spend the money here to make sure that you look good; if you do, you get a +1. If you usually go out in your sweats and that T-shirt that you won in a rowing challenge in 1988 (I'm not thinking of anyone in particular of course), give yourself a -2.

A few notes: If you're going bald, don't wear a rug or get implants or use Rogaine or any of that crap. Just gracefully accept defeat and compensate in the other categories. I used to play high stakes Hold'em at the Taj Mahal with a guy who had hair implants, and he looked awful, I could barely stand to look at him, with those infrequent little spikes of hair that looked like wire. Yech. If I got grossed out, imagine what a woman would think.

If you don't know what is currently fashionable, get GQ or one of those magazines for the vain and vapid and look through its fashion section. You don't have to go crazy here, just get a couple of outfits, preferably tailored, that look sharp. It'll cost money but it'll also pay big dividends. Don't be a cheap bastard on this point.

In Chicago there was a guy in our building who was attached to a different beautiful woman every other week. The interesting thing was that he stood 5 feet 4 inches tall. But... he wasn't fat, he was extremely well groomed and he dressed impeccably. He effectively zeroed out his shortness by collecting two +1s in categories 4 and 5 above. (The bastard also had a full head of thick hair, so he was running a positive score in the end.)

It may have helped that he was a heart surgeon who pulled down at least a million a year. But that's beside the point, it really is. By understanding the five point system, the man got in the door with women who would normally look down at him, er, belittle him, er....

Scoring very low: Danny DeVito, Jason Alexander (George Costanza). Scoring very high: Charlie Rose, Larry Ellison. In summary, take a realistic look at yourself, add up your total, figure out what you can change in order to get more points, and then go out there and score!

Previous Entry >>> Yuppiez in the 'Hood