May 31, 2007
Problem Solving at the Chinese DMV
A friend of mine is moving back to the States and my wife forced me to buy his car. The last thing I want to have in the big city is a car, but my wife thinks it will be useful for day trips to the countryside on the weekend, and as always She Must Be Obeyed.
Transferring the car from his name to my name took about five hours of our time. We first had to go to the used car market (exit 18 off the South Fourth Ring Road) to get the car “inspected” (they checked the VIN and declared the car in perfect mechanical order after eyeballing it) and pay off any outstanding fines. This is where things got interesting.
The computer said the car had three violations (two speeding and one running a light), all captured by one of Beijing’s 85,000 traffic cameras, which meant RMB400 (~$50) in fines had to be paid and seven “points” had to be deducted before the transfer could move forward.
My friend doesn’t have a Chinese driver’s license but he brought along his ex-wife’s — she was the one responsible for these infractions in the first place — and we said, fine, here’s the money and deduct the points from her license. Not so fast, big nose: it’s not the license that matters but the accompanying “points card,” and that was missing.
Just at this time a kid with a buzz-cut, wearing a thick gold necklace, matching gold ring and truly tasteless Bermuda shorts sidled up to us.
“May I be of assistance, dear sirs?” (I’m taking some liberty with the translation.)
“Yes, kind young man, how much time will it take to solve our current dilemma and what is your approximate remuneration?”
“I will make one phone call and within ten minutes your fines and points will magically disappear for the low, low price of only RMB750 ($98).” (He called it his “processing fee” which I thought was a nice touch.)
Since both my friend and I first came to China in the early 1990s and therefore qualify as old hands, we said instantly and in unison, “Deal!”
And badabing badaboom, it was done.
May 31st, 2007 at 4:22 pm
I’m curious why your friend has decided to move back to the States. Can you elaborate?
May 31st, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Nice story, I love it! I “imported” a car in from the states for a working visa and some cash. When I went to customs to sign the papers I didn’t even know the colour of the car I was supposedly importing. The lady sort of pretended to be suprised but she knew the deal, the guy I was with was a regular chaperone of foreigners going there to import cars and he obviously had the guanxi and not to mention a pretty nice cadillac. haha
But I have to say that your story is probably the least subtle ive ever heard.
May 31st, 2007 at 5:14 pm
dayo: He wants to be near his kids.
May 31st, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Nik: Not sure how much cash you got but it sounds like you undersold yourself — that avoided import tax can be worth hundreds of thousands. Or do you now have a “permanent” working visa? ;-)
May 31st, 2007 at 5:40 pm
You are most definitely right there. The cash I got was pittance in the grand scheme of things, but from my point of view I would have to pay out 2k at least for a F visa, because at the time I was on an L. I was unemployed and looking for some interesting stories at the time. Needless to say I can’t import another car into the country unless of course I use another passport :)
May 31st, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Nik: Just go back to Cadillac guy and ask for the occasional favor — he knows he owes you. ;-)
May 31st, 2007 at 7:51 pm
In Poland it is a common to negotiate an acceptable bribe with traffic cops on the side of the road instead of accepting the ticket which the cop will refuse to write anyhow.
June 1st, 2007 at 4:02 am
Attempting to bribe a police officer will get you thrown in jail in the states. It would be best off to double the fine down to a non-moving violation. All you can do is try to talk your way out of it and of course playing the fool as a sad person down on his luck can get you a sympothy warning. I am a very slow driver so I always drive under the speed limit. There are too many crazy drivers out there anyways. My last and only speeding infraction was when I was in college. Driving back to my apartment past midnight to get up for an early class and I somehow was clocked 5 MPH over the limit. I turned off my car and played the poor college kid role. The police officer asked why I turned my car off and I told if I was low on gas, which was true, and just going home to go to bed. My facial expression was one of a sad puppy. He let me go with a warning. I don’t think the accidental increase of 5 MPH with no one on the road made me a danger to society.
June 1st, 2007 at 8:41 pm
“Attempting to bribe a police officer will get you thrown in jail in the states.”
Sorry, you do not live in Chicago, it is clear.
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Ah, nothing quite like an 8:00 a.m. drive down Michigan Avenue in Shy Town. Why anybody would want to own and operate a vehicle in Chicago is beyond me. I guess the plus side is that I get to practice my OFFENSIVE driving skills.
Chairman—-what is the best tasting barley pop in your fine city? The Sprecher (Special Amber) is going down good after mowin’ the lawn!
June 4th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Philip: We moved from Chicago in February 2003, but we did have a car there (rarely driven).
Beijing is not known for it’s fine local beers — the beer culture isn’t that advanced, no microbrews etc. The most popular beer is called “Yanjing” and it’s OK, costs about $0.25 for a big bottle.
June 6th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Reminds me of a scene I saw in Manila a few years back. I was sitting with some locals at a restaurant facing a large junction and saw a policeman stopping a nice looking SUV in the middle of the junction and talking to the driver. I asked my friends: what’s happening there, it doesn’t look like the driver did anything wrong. The nonchalant reply I got was: “oh the driver didn’t do anything wrong, the policeman just needs some cash for his lunch.”