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May 16, 2008


Squeezes Tooth Paste from the Top

Tests for Husbands and Wives — Blueprint for Happiness, by Dr. George W. Crane, Ph.D., M.D.

“I commend this test to the attention of all intelligent men who aspire to make their marriages both permanent and happy. Young men contemplating matrimony might very profitably use this test as a practical guide.”

Note that a husband’s merits include:

38. Ardent lover — sees that wife has orgasm in marital congress. (20 point weighting!)

42. Well liked by men, courageous — not a sissy.

47. Gives wife real movie kisses not dutiful “peck” on the cheek.

Selected demerits for wives:

5. Wears red nail polish.

14. Smokes, drinks, gambles, or uses dope.

24. Tells risque or vulgar stories.

This long-married man got a negative score.

4 Responses to “Squeezes Tooth Paste from the Top”

  1. Linda P. said:

    This was hilarious!

    But I did not notice a demerit for husbands over 15 pounds….

    Chairman, do you have any idea what year this was published?

  2. C. Maoxian said:

    Linda: 1939, I believe. I think the demerit for husbands kicks in at 25 pounds overweight (it’s only fair). :)

  3. pat said:

    Does going out with other pretty girls other than your wife contribute negatively?

  4. C. Maoxian said:

    pat: From the 1939 guide was this among demerits: 1. “Stares at or flirts with other women while out with wife” (5 point weighting). Dr. Crane is silent on the issue of actually going out with other women, for obvious reasons, lol. Incidentally, only an idiot would stare at or flirt with other women *while* out with the wife.

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