June 23, 2008
Think Off-center
Ten selected Carlinisms to celebrate the recently departed man:
“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
“The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.”
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms shorter.”
“…the baby boomers: whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people who have a simple philosophy: ‘GIMME THAT! IT’S MINE!’…these people were given everything, everything was handed to them, and they took it all, sold it all.”
“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”
“If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him . . . is he still wrong?”
“Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?”
“Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?”
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
Share your favorite quotes from George Carlin in the comments, if you’d like.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:30 pm
My Oh My ~~~~~
What a phrase :P
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms shorter.”
Hahahahahahaha :D
I guess GOD has had thought about it, and since we still can use our legs, there’s no point in making out hands short :P
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:53 pm
If a man is speaking alone in the forest, with
no woman to hear him–is he still wrong?
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Here’s a quote that’s always stayed with me from hearing Carlin while in high school:
“Have you ever noticed that everyone who drives faster than you is a maniac, and everyone who drives slower than you is an idiot?”
June 24th, 2008 at 2:05 am
Carlin was one of a kind….doubtful they’ll ever be another one like him.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:04 am
lionel, How about this: “If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms and legs shorter”
:-D
June 24th, 2008 at 4:04 am
Thanks for this post. I’m a Christian and a life-long Carlin fan as well, and I did my own little tribute to the man, from a similar-but-different perspective. Thought you might be interested.
Grace and Peace,
Raffi Shahinian
June 24th, 2008 at 7:58 am
- “What if there were no hypothetical questions?”
- “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”
- “Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
- “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
- “Always do whatever’s next.”
And my favorite from my childhood:
- “Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.”
Rest in peace funny man and thanks for all the fish.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Attributed to Carlin:
“I am 74 years old and I have outlived my dick.”
Yes, he was 71 - still, a great line.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Carlin was first and foremost a master at fucking with our stupid little danger zones. Crossing the line was his great talent. In the process he made us think differently, laugh at ourselves and understand how utterly ridiculous we are.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
@don d: I am 38 years old and the little man already gives me reason to doubt him. :-)
@cap: Yes, and you’ll appreciate the Supreme Court transcript in my delicious. Fascinating that he did very square comedy in the old days and then switched in the early 70’s(?) I guess.
July 13th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
goes something like…
there’s a ribbon now for every ailment or disease. Well I have brown ribbon.. do you know what it stands for? Eat shit mother fucker! Eat Shit!
July 13th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Jack: Truth-tellers like Carlin are sorely missing in this age of hype, spin, and general bullshit.