113 minute running time but felt much longer, at least 20 to 30 minutes too long. This movie was ridiculous, just an unfocused mess. The only thing it got right was the typical size of an upstate New York church congregation nowadays: six people. No idea why they used a church in Queens for an Albany county church, probably has to do with tax credits. And St. Barnabas hospital is in the Bronx so I don’t know why Ernst would go see the doctor there.

SPOILERS: Anyway, Ethan Hawke, he’s exactly my age and nearly as good looking as me… a minister in a dying church which is somehow affiliated with an evangelical megachurch inexplicably run by a black guy who makes toilet jokes. One of Ethan’s flock is a pretty bug-eyed girl whose husband is worried about environmental collapse … Ethan “counsels” him but doesn’t prevent his suicide. The husband had a suicide bomber vest that Ethan takes for himself.

The little church is being “re-consecrated” on its 250th anniversary, all underwritten by some BAD polluting company (like GE) so Ethan considers blowing it all up at the ceremony (including governor Cuomo), but pretty bug-eyed girl prevents this by showing up at the last minute and love conquers all I guess, especially when she’s 15 years your junior. Honey, why have you wrapped yourself in barbed wire?

God, this was a terrible movie. 93% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, which means the rating system there is absolutely worthless.

Read Armond White’s spot-on review: